Jʋsʈ ɑ Ɓoƴ

Sunday, 28 December 2014

"...set the record straight"

With what's been going on the past few days, I'm posting this to set the record straight. To let everyone know what really went on, and not the side that glamorizes me.

I've always been self-centered and never really spared a thought for others. I'm the reason why Alex and David left me. I am to blame for driving them to the point where they couldn't take it any longer. Now, I'm about to lose the one person I actually care about, Steven. But before it's too late, I'm doing this in a final, desperate attempt to declare my love for him by telling the truth and nothing but.

True love is all about sacrifice, right? Those are my own words. So I'll risk it all, because I don't want him to suffer in silence, and because I'm tired of all the bullshit excuses that I come up with whenever life hits me in the face. It's time I sac the fuck up.

Here's the back story:

Since birth, I grew up with housemaids. Four of them throughout my life (not altogether at once). I was pampered, spoiled and expected to be served. I never had to lift a finger (up until I was 16) to do chores and was never taught how to cook. That was how I was nurtured. So naturally, I grew up to be quite the brat.

There was another incident that I don't feel comfortable sharing, only a few of my close friends know of. Something traumatic happened to me, and when I told my parents about it, they brushed it off like nothing had ever happened. That particular incident taught me that if you turn a blind eye to a situation, it'll go away - but in reality, it never does. It'll shape your character and mold you into a coward. Someone who runs away from life whenever the going gets tough.

All that I did the past few years was nobody else's fault but my own. I was playing the victim card because it was what I got so used to. I never shouldered any blame because it felt easier to shrug it off like nothing had ever happened. But that's not right. It isn't!

If you cause a problem, you deal with the consequences.

So here I am, without a shred of dignity left in me, saying this - I'm far from perfect. And Steven has done nothing but love me unconditionally. Everything that was said about him in a negative light was part of my childish attempt to victimize myself. I'm not the sweet, innocent Logan that everyone thinks I am. Sure, I may be an interesting twink, but that doesn't excuse my self-absorbed behavior. I'm actually quite fucked up in the head, but it all ends here. I want to be a good person, and not one that is ruled and dictated by alter egos, which is a sad excuse for avoiding yourself... Because I'll soon come to find that I end up avoiding... well, life.

Alex and Steven are the best thing that has ever happened to me (David was a rebound guy for Alex). I may have let one go, but I'm not letting the other walk away. And if that does happen, I'll take full responsibility.

From now on, I do not have ANY alter egos. There's only Zachary (you can still call me Logan, it'll just be an online persona that I'm not going to take seriously from this point on). I won't listen to the voices in my head anymore... because they just tell me what I WANT to hear, not what I NEED to hear.

I do not want any remorse, sympathy or empathy. I just want this post to serve as a wake up call, no more alter egos, no more personalities, it's time to wise up.

Enough is enough.

ツ | 7:53 pm

'ℬℴʋʈ ℳℯ

My name is Zachary (

)
Born on Christmas of '92 (

)

Gay (

) Separated (

)

I ❤ my best friends
«Jen Ross» and «Bekah»

ℳℴℴɖ

Ꮚɾ¡ʈʈℯɳ Ʈℎℴʋℊℎʈʂ

ℬʋʗҚℯʈ ℒ¡ʂʈ

☑ Find a best friend
☑ Learn to play the piano
☑ Be in a relationship
☑ See New York skyline
☑ Become a Game Sage
☑ Be part of a fraternity
☑ Play on a grand piano
☑ Lose virginity
☑ Have a pet kitten/cat
☑ Experience snow
☑ See the northern lights
❒ Ride a horse
❒ Sit cozily by a fireplace
❒ Build a snowman
❒ Dip a chocolate fondue fountain
❒ Release an album
❒ Be a farmer for a day
❒ See the HOLLYWOOD sign
❒ Join the circus
❒ Go skinny dipping
❒ Taste orkney ice cream