Jʋsʈ ɑ Ɓoƴ

Wednesday 25 November 2015

"Death sucks"

Ever wondered why we were born only to be cursed with death?

We're aware of death, it awaits each and everyone of us, whether it'd be caused by a freak accident or a natural passing from old age, yet we fuss over the littlest things. There are those who nitpick over the slightest flaw in the span of their lives, then there are the hypochondriac (...no explanations needed there), not to mention the pessimists, etc. I mean.. if the end-game is ultimately death, then why even stress over trying to prolong or preserve your existence?

Shouldn't a person live without any lingering hatred or vendetta?

I mean.. if you harbor any bitterness in life (towards anyone; including yourself), then it's like wasting what's left of your given time on this planet on something as trivial as pettiness.

I feel like there's an element of compensation and bargaining somewhere in the space-time frame of a person's life, like.. we (myself included) lament over our appearance (how we look), finding love / dealing with heartbreaks, climbing the social ladder, overachieving in the financial prospect, and so on and so forth... yet at the end of our life journey, we dissipate into nothingness. So knowing that, we try to delude ourselves into this "denial bubble" where we reject the idea of extinction, pushing the very thought of someday dying into the back of our minds, subconsciously reassuring ourselves that we'll deal with it when the time comes (a near death experience or when we're old, weak and frail), but it's something we can't quite come to terms with... y'know?

Simply put it...

Death sucks

It affects everyone, and brings about fear, paranoia and grief.

We can't accept life after death because what we have, what we feel now is real to us. It's a reality we are accustom to. We project a plausible Heaven and/or Hell as nothing more than a mere virtual/mental expectation to provide some form of relief and comfort in knowing that there's an afterlife, so we trick ourselves into thinking that, "Hey, death isn't so scary after all. I'll be departing into another (essentially-)dimension so it's all good."

I guess my point is this - don't encompass your life around trying to avoid death or wallowing/bathing in a tub of somber or regret. Death is inevitable, so live reasonably (not #YOLO or constantly questioning "What if...").

These are the things I think about late at night when I lay in bed... wide awake. A reminder that I'm a member of the constellation.

ツ | 4:04 am

Sunday 15 November 2015

"...my thoughts on the Paris attacks..."

Before you read this post, skim through this article.

I don't get it..

I really don't...

The whole idea of religion is to enforce civil and moral behavior, and to teach/practice benevolence (even if you don't buy into the belief that there is a God watching over us to begin with, you respect those who do).

With that said, I can't wrap my head around the ratiocination behind such heinous brutality, A.K.A. the attacks on Paris. In this day and age, how twisted and irrational must you have strayed from your life to think it's sensible enough to strap on an explosive device to carry out suicide bombing?

It doesn't make ANY sense.

Believe it or not, for awhile now, we as a human race have in fact achieved some degree of world peace (up until the terrorist attacks on Paris this year). We have hit a milestone considering how we first started out (World War I and II, 9/11, etc) This should be the era where we trudge forward and cease all needless violence and casualties, so why? Why?

Don't we already have enough problems to deal with?

Like, oh I don't know...

World Hunger..

Natural Disasters...

Diseases Outbreaks....

"A third suicide bomber blew himself at a fast-food outlet near the stadium at 21:53. The attackers all wore identical explosive vests."

- BBC News

Come the fuck on...

I thought we took a step forward in June with the legalization of gay marriage in all fifty states, and hopefully in many other countries in the years to come. But with all the tragedy and confusion going on in Paris, it feels like for every step we take forward, we move two steps back.

My best friend in high school was Muslim.

My best friend after I graduated was Christian.

My best friend now is of a spiritual nature (religion-less).

Unity, it's not rocket science. Terrorism, inflicting bloodshed and fear to either send across a message or for whatever propaganda... Why can't people recognize that they are being brainwashed by extremists?

You can have your ideology and beliefs just as long as it doesn't affect or interfere with the ideology and beliefs of another. This isn't a contest on whose religion or faith is superior to whom, there are ACTUAL lives at stake here... so why can't compassion, love and good ol' plain common sense kick into these goons heads?

Terrorism has no religion.

It's common damn sense. If you kill, inflict violence or fear onto others (regardless of your cause), you do not belong to any religion. You're just intolerant.

These are just my thoughts on the Paris attacks.

I will be (and have been) praying for Paris.

ツ | 6:22 pm

Friday 6 November 2015

Just 3 short, phlegmatic rants today, cause I'm in the mood to rant!

1. "Prove It!"

"I don't believe that's you."
"Prove it's you in the picture by going on cam.."

"Take a picture of yourself holding a piece of paper with (...so and so) scribbled on it."

I only ever gave in to their demands for identity verification twice. One was for my ex, Steven, and the other was with someone I met on IMVU earlier this year.

Don't get me wrong, I watch MTV's Catfish. It's like.. one of my favorite TV shows to kickback with a can of cherry soda and binge-watch. I know people create hoax profiles with fake pictures they snag on the internet to bait their preys into falling for their sick, twisted online fantasy game, but damn... have a little faith or trust until we establish some sort of relationship/friendship where I feel comfortable going on cam and showing myself to you.

They also tend to have this "I'm sure he's not who he says he is" demeanor to the way they talk/behave until proven otherwise, so they act all smug and rude towards me. But the fun part comes when I finally debunk their uncertainty and show my face on cam, and they revert back to their old self, the "now that I know that's really you, I'll be friendlier" nature.

Like, really?

2. Social Politics

Ever had friends of friends (or friends of your "significant other") come to you and be all like, "Oh, I regard you as a son.." or "You're like family to me.." but as soon as shit goes down, they immediately side with your friend/partner instead of even having the courtesy/decency to hear you out?

Not that it matters because I know how social politics work - you side with the friend you originally met (...or met first) and friends of his or hers are considered "extras" in your life, but.. it just doesn't make any sense if all you really wanna do is make a gesture of civility, but end up doing the complete opposite. Like, I get why you did it, but was it really necessary to begin with?

If you don't understand what I'm saying, here's an example:

A friend of my ex said she'd regarded me as family, and that we both could come to her if we ever had any problems. I tried messaging her on Facebook three times throughout the relationship but she never replied (the message was received and seen).

P.S. It's NOT his mom I'm talking about, it's a friend of my ex.

Whenever my ex did something wrong, she would be forgiving and expect me to overlook it - so I did. But towards the end of our relationship - right before the separation - she said "I can't believe Zac did that.." and removed me on Facebook without hearing my side of the story.

Assumptions...

Hearsay...

Fabricated stories...

It doesn't really surprise me though, because like I said, I know social politics. I understand the rationality behind why she did what she did, but it just came across as her having poor judgement of character and wanting to form senseless amity. It's obvious that she never really thought of me as family, and that she only said what she said to be "nice". But I mean...

Don't offer to help and be an unbiased party of a relationship if it's just a gesture and you don't really intend to be a mediator.

She's one of the enablers I was referring to in this post.

That's why I respect my friends...

They don't get involved.

They don't take sides.

They don't create animosity.

3. Multiple Personalities???

Regarding my multiple personalities...

Do I have split personality?
Yes.

Should I care if you don't believe I have split personality or think it's bullshit?
No. My/Your life still goes on. I'm not someone who needs validation of any kind.

Do I let my split personality hinder my judgement of character or obstruct my morals and ethics?
No.

Am I using my split personality as a way to justify my actions (good or bad)?
No.

Am I on disability?
No. I don't get any checks from any government because I don't want to acknowledge this as a disability or a disorder (even though it is classified as a disorder). I want to be an operative cog in society, to work and pay taxes like everyone else.

Has a psychiatrist or therapist ever diagnosed me with Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Yes, back in 2009. I have it officially documented.

I'm not proud of it either, but I try to embrace it by accepting my many personalities. I even label/name each personality to identify what state of mind I'm in when I'm in it. South Park (s15e06) has not done this disorder any justice though, but man do I love that show.

ツ | 1:56 am

Sunday 1 November 2015

"The Cheshire Cat"

Attended a Halloween party last night with David, I was dressed as The Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland. Was clad in kitty ears, a tail and glowing bracelets. I literally looked like something out of a video game or belong to a furry-fetish chat room. >w<

Something crazy also happened (that I'm not allowed to post about), but last night... will be a night I'll never forget. Showered, got my morning coffee and now I'm gonna rest my weary little head.

Happy Halloween!

ツ | 11:51 am

'ℬℴʋʈ ℳℯ

My name is Zachary (

)
Born on Christmas of '92 (

)

Gay (

) Separated (

)

I ❤ my best friends
«Jen Ross» and «Bekah»

ℳℴℴɖ

Ꮚɾ¡ʈʈℯɳ Ʈℎℴʋℊℎʈʂ

ℬʋʗҚℯʈ ℒ¡ʂʈ

☑ Find a best friend
☑ Learn to play the piano
☑ Be in a relationship
☑ See New York skyline
☑ Become a Game Sage
☑ Be part of a fraternity
☑ Play on a grand piano
☑ Lose virginity
☑ Have a pet kitten/cat
☑ Experience snow
☑ See the northern lights
❒ Ride a horse
❒ Sit cozily by a fireplace
❒ Build a snowman
❒ Dip a chocolate fondue fountain
❒ Release an album
❒ Be a farmer for a day
❒ See the HOLLYWOOD sign
❒ Join the circus
❒ Go skinny dipping
❒ Taste orkney ice cream