Jʋsʈ ɑ Ɓoƴ

Saturday 28 February 2015

"...time to call a spade a spade"

It's time I call a spade a spade, and not glamorize it anymore than what it should be. Life isn't a game of poker, and even if it was, I don't gamble... ever. So why start now?

Sitting around contemplating, procrastinating, yearning (...for what could have been), that's just the epitome of how we are conditioned to live in today's society, isn't it? For the past few months, the people I've encountered on a virtual chat room have all expected me to prove myself in some sort of manner. To prove my worthiness.. be it in acquiring their respect, establishing a friendship, or rekindling a love. And it's not like I'm unfamiliar with the concept of why people want me to "win over their approval", but I'm a casual twink. I'm not perfect but I play my strengths. I hide my true identity because I get insecure from time to time and it's convenient to evade telling people about my background. And, I like (...call it trashy or shitty) pop music. How easy to read am I?

Thankfully, because of MPD, I am aware that what I'm going through is just a phase. Suffice it to say, I can put myself in the shoes of people I've come across to understand how they must feel and think of me concealing who I really am, along with the fact that I didn't mention about Scott, my current boyfriend. I recognize that that must make me a terrible friend, and an even worst ex-boyfriend, but I'm simply.. "not ready". I won't make up a fancy excuse, because the truth is - I'm not one to kiss and tell (...or date and share?). Unfortunately, that costed me a few damn good... ex-friends[?]

Just seems like everyone's in a hurry to cash in on their judgement and made-belief impression, and I fall prey to their 'conclusions' because of how susceptible I am when it comes to "playing the victim" and the lack of feasibility when confronted. I say it like it is, however generic the reason may be, it is what I perceive. Whether or not what I did was justified shouldn't be the main focus (I know, "wow Zac, what a great cop out statement"), the real question should be... Have I served your purpose?

Lately, I've been feeling more and more like a trophy or prize (I know right, "get off your high horse, Zac") than a person. It's the whole, 'if you don't learn and behave a certain way, you don't belong with me/us' mentality which nauseates me (not in a "fuck, this sickens me" way, but more of a "meh, it is what it is, so I'll start over someplace else but still reminisce every now and then because the feelings/memories still linger")

But, to make good what I wrote at the beginning of this post, it's time to call a spade a spade. I'm not completely oblivious to the errs I've caused, so to all the people I've faulted - I'm sorry. I don't want nor am I expecting you (whoever "you" are) to look at me any different from how you already do/are, all I want is for you to walk away knowing I have apologized and move on.

You don't have to like me, for as long as I have fulfilled something that helps you gain a better perspective on life throughout our time together, I'll- no.. we'll be content.

ツ | 4:39 am

Monday 16 February 2015

Warning: Explicit Content

ツ | 7:44 am

Saturday 14 February 2015

"...Valentine's Day"

I can't remember the last time I received a gift on Valentine's Day, much less... roses. This is the first time anyone has ever got me flowers, so thank you! ❤

Before:
(...how it arrived)

After:

(...I put it in a vase of water to preserve it)

Also, hope y'all are having a...

ツ | 6:04 am

Thursday 12 February 2015

"...top 5's - Animated Movies"

For throwback Thursday, I'll talk about animated movies that I absolutely enjoy watching. I have seen every one of these movies (respectively) at least a hundred times.. and that's not even an exaggeration. When I love a film, or a TV series, I'll watch it over and over - which would explain why I've seen all 10 seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. four times now (that's 236 episodes multiplied by 4 which totals up to 944 times).

Being the dreamer that I am, imagination plays a vital role throughout my adolescence, hence why most of the movies that I deem my "favorites" exist in the realm of fantasy and folklore. These are movies that have inspired and taught me valuable life lessons.

Here are my top 5's - Animated Movies!

5. The Secret World of Arrietty

(Watch Trailer)

Every Studio Ghibli film is a masterpiece, and the fact that this animated movie (originally Japanese) was adapted and translated by Disney makes it that much more magical. What drew me to this particular movie - among the other films crafted by Hayao Miyazaki - was that Bridgit Mendler, only like my favorite actress/singer, is the voice actress for Arrietty.

I'm an avid fan of Good Luck Charlie!, the Disney channel original series, and she's the lead in that TV show. I've followed her ever since.. so needless to say, this movie caught my attention. David Henrie - from Wizards of Waverly Place, another Disney channel original series - voiced Sho in this movie. That's more than enough reasons for me to watch this.. little did I know, I would fall in love with the plot and visual hierarchy of this astounding movie.

Because of Arrietty, I learn not to regard anything - however small or little it may be - as insignificant. It still has its place in the universe.

Fun Fact: I learned to play the Arrietty's Theme on the piano back in 2012, around the time I was dating Alex. Took me awhile to get the hang of it, but I did it. #Proud

4. How To Train Your Dragon

(Watch Trailer)

It's hard not to jump onto the bandwagon of one of Dreamworks' most popular movie. I've always been fascinated by dragons, so this movie definitely caught my eyes from the get-go!

What I especially love about this movie is the soundtrack, composed by John Powell (who also did the soundtrack for Shrek). It's an instant hit!

Watching Hiccup's character develop from being the village reject to the savior made me go through a spiral of emotions. Sitting through the entire 98 minutes felt like a roller-coaster ride, from watching the mesmerizing scene where he forged a bond with Toothless, to proving himself as not just a worthy defender of his village, but a son his viking father could be proud of. Now that... that sent shivers down my spine.

What I've learned from this movie is... where there's a will, there's always another way. There's never just one route to accomplish something (in this case, it's peace between dragons and vikings). Pave your own path, dare to be different, and have your own sets of beliefs even though - at first - everyone may be skeptical and doubtful. The ultimate rule is to trust your instincts and eventually, everything will fall into place.

Fun fact: Kristen Wiig, one of my favorite actress, voices Ruffnut.

3. Wreck It Ralph

(Watch Trailer)

So, around the time I went to America (for the first time) to visit Alex, they premiered this movie. I was introduced to this film because Owl City made a soundtrack for it.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge fan of Owl City, and I listen to ALL his songs. When I found out he made a soundtrack for Wreck It Ralph, I squealed. The song's called When Can I See You Again, and back then, I was able to relate to it because of my circumstances abroad (...having to leave my first boyfriend after a mere 5-days visit).

If you're a video gamer, or you frequent arcades to play classic games like Sonic, Pac-Man and Street Fighter, then this movie will spark your interest - like it did mine.

What I love about this movie is the animation style, and how the various games within Game Central Station crosses over. The peculiar thing that I find myself pondering about is that I never was into classic games like the ones mentioned in the previous paragraph, but when they all came together, it sorta peaked my curiosity. That's when you know a movie has successfully integrated all prevalent aspects of what we are familiar with to make one hell of an entertaining motion picture.

This movie hasn't really taught me anything that I don't already know. It has mostly made me wonder what it would be like to live in a world where video game characters exists. I may have shed a few tear while watching this, especially during the heartwarming scenes between Ralph and Vanellope Von Schweetz.

I'm also glad this movie had a happy ending!

2. Rise of the Guardians

(Watch Trailer)

There's a certain element present in this animated movie that captivated me. When I first heard that they made a movie involving Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and the Sandman working together as a team, I fanboyed a little. Alone, their respective stories intrigues me,. but as a team, it takes imagination on to a whole new level.

And then came possibly my favorite animated character ever brought to life, Jack Frost. The fact that he has the ability to bend ice (duh!) makes him all the more engaging. I saw myself in him when I first sat through this movie. How he behaves, reacts and lives his life in a casual way, that's more or less how I used to be. There's a little rebel in him, which makes his character arc alluring, aside from him being.. y'know.. the main protagonist.

This movie made me seek out and discover what my center is - fun. As I grow older, I know I'll have to confront a more purposeful lifestyle where I'll have to conduct myself as an adult by taking on more responsibilities. But even so, I'll always have a side of me that will want to get up to all kinds of mischief and foolery, simply because I dread a mundane future. A life without a few shenanigans here and there is a snooze fest, a bore.

Gotta say though, I was disappointed with the motion picture score for this film. I had high expectations, but the soundtracks just weren't as good as those from How To Train Your Dragon.

Fun Fact: My best friend, Jen, is working on a Jack Frost costume for me, and I have every intention of cosplaying him.

1. Shrek (Quadrilogy)

(Watch Trailer(s) -
(Shrek | Shrek 2 | Shrek The Third | Shrek Forever After)

When I was 9 or 10 years old, the first thing I would do when I got home from school was switch on the television and watch Shrek on my DVD player. Back then, there weren't any sequels (...or three), so every damn day, without fail, I would watch Shrek (that, and Chicken Run).

I can vaguely recall sitting next to my older sister and reciting every line from the movie, word for word, to her. She was impressed.

Years passed and when Dreamworks' decided to continue the story arc of Shrek, I was beyond excited. The writing, the humor, the visuals, the animation, the fact that they established a world where fairy tale characters could coexist with one another and "mingle", that got me hooked.

Shrek is one of those movies where, as a child, you interpret the movie one way, but upon re-watching it again as you get older, you learn that there are all sorts of adult-oriented jokes stashed in 'em, so it kinda appeals to both - if not, all - generations.

I cannot stress enough in one post how much I adore all four of the Shrek movies. I do believe that almost all of the characters have influenced me in some ways or another. I can't quite explain how though. It's quirky, unorthodox and ridiculously comical, which is what I like about it.

This is my childhood show, and I don't think any movie will ever come close. Shrek isn't just my favorite animated movie, it's my favorite movie ever!

Fun Fact: Til' today, I still weep at the final scene in Shrek 2, from when Jennifer Saunders (or the Fairy Godmother) sings 'Holding Out for a Hero' onward to when Fiona chooses to be an ogre with Shrek, and not live as humans. Then, they both ascended for the "transformation" as the clock struck midnight, ugh, I got MAJOR goosebumps!

ツ | 10:34 am

Wednesday 4 February 2015

"...#epic"
Watched Big Hero 6 today and cried... twice. Gotta say, I really enjoyed the movie. It was #epic Then went to find fan art (among... other things) after

Warning: Explicit Content

ツ | 6:45 am

Tuesday 3 February 2015

"...a shadow of remorse"

Woke up this morning feeling like a truck had dumped a load of anvils on me. I'm trying to deal with this, but I'm not emotionally strong enough. At this point, I'm afraid of being hopeful. I'm terrified. I don't want to experience pain this raw ever again.

This uncertainty, of what I'm going to do with my life from here on out, it's not something I'm a fan of. Trust me, I really hate feeling sorry for myself because it shows weakness and incompetence, but at the same time, it's a coping mechanism.

I'm fickle-minded, and bruise easily. Gah! Well, at least... I'll have the memories. I've said this to him, and I'll say it again - I don't regret the relationship, and I'll forever remember (only) the good times we had.

I now walk with a shadow of remorse, and soon, I'll have to pick myself up. I may not be a boyfriend, but I'm still a friend - to Jen, Kezzy, AJ, Bekah and everyone else. They're reaching their hands out to pull me out of the darkness, and I can't let 'em down.

...I won't let them down.

Oh.. and also, I can't wait for Hilary Duff's new album to drop, read somewhere that she did a duet with Tove Lo. Also, where's the new goddamn Owl City album when you need it? >.>

ツ | 7:40 pm

Monday 2 February 2015

"...I'll be okay, just not today"

There are several promises I have to keep even though this relationship is over. Tears and self-deprecation aside, I have to get over this break up the proper way. I won't rely on any alter egos to diffuse the heaviness in my heart, because that's just an easy way out, and falling out of love should serve as a reminder that avoiding my problems isn't going to get me anywhere.

I know I'll be okay, just not today. I guess the reason why I never dared to confront my past relationships is because part of me (deep down) wants to preserve this 'magical' aspect of falling or being in love. I want love to be full of wonder and feel a constant stream of sensation where my smile never has to waver, simply because I get to spend the rest of my life with someone I love who loves me back.

That, and also taking good care of him by being the perfect boyfriend. But now that it has all turned to shit, that 'idea of love' couldn't be more further out of reach.

I've been called 'naive', 'simple-minded', a 'dreamer' and even 'childish' to believe that such a love exists in this world, but if I don't have my beliefs, then I have nothing... nothing at all. My mind would then paint a bleak world where everything is dull and mundane. I refuse to lead my life in such an obscure manner.

Well, it's back to bed to wallow for a few more days before I get back on my feet to face the world. For now, I need more sleep.

ツ | 7:14 pm

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