Jʋsʈ ɑ Ɓoƴ

Monday, 9 March 2015

"The one thing I ask for..."

I recently started watching the first season of Undateable because of my unhealthy anticipation for Bridgit Mendler joining the main cast in season two.

Five episodes in and I'm still warming up to the comedic style of the sitcom, though I know that as soon as season two airs and Bridgit takes on her role as Candace (yup, I've seen the trailer), I'll be even more hooked. For now, the only characters carrying the show - for my quirky taste - is Justin and Brett (gay and British, I mean.. c'mon!).

I may... be over-idolizing Bridgit. I tend to do that a lot.

Lately I've been feeling a little unwell. To say I'm not myself is a critical understatement juxtaposed with a kind of rumination that warrants a reality check. Apart from the usual personality switch that I've grown so accustom to, I've been having urges that one would determine to be that of "bipolar".

One minute I'm eliciting a whorish behavior where I find myself wanting to please everyone (emotionally and, of course.. sexually), and the next, I'm questioning every irrational decision ever made. If I had a penny for every time I ask, "What was I thinking?", I would probably have enough to fund a charity organization (couldn't help to think of the less fortunate even while speaking figuratively).

This passage of life that I seem to believe I'm embarking on.. who is to say that I will forever be condemned to a life of passive destitution? Oh, that's right... Everyone who has ever crossed my path.

The one thing I ask for, from when I was a child and I started being able to develop an attachment towards people, was a constant. Given the fact that I'm posting such a whiny, meaningless post that measures the extent of my sinfully apathetic life shows that I've not only calamitously but tragically failed in that regard.

All I wanted was someone who knew me well enough, someone who was willing to share in my woes as I would in theirs. It doesn't even have to be a lover, heck! I'd settle for a pen pal.

But I fear this isn't my lowest yet. I foresee days where I'll get struck with a sickening sense of spite and self-loathing. Sometimes I feel like my mind functions the same way Maddie Ziegler dances in Sia's Chandelier music video. Yet, I still choose to embody my demons. Maybe it isn't a disorder that I have, but the devil speaking to me through a very spiritual psyche. If that were the case, where is my savior?

Or, is this just.. Amen?

Warning: Explicit Content

ツ | 9:35 am

'ℬℴʋʈ ℳℯ

My name is Zachary (

)
Born on Christmas of '92 (

)

Gay (

) Separated (

)

I ❤ my best friends
«Jen Ross» and «Bekah»

ℳℴℴɖ

Ꮚɾ¡ʈʈℯɳ Ʈℎℴʋℊℎʈʂ

ℬʋʗҚℯʈ ℒ¡ʂʈ

☑ Find a best friend
☑ Learn to play the piano
☑ Be in a relationship
☑ See New York skyline
☑ Become a Game Sage
☑ Be part of a fraternity
☑ Play on a grand piano
☑ Lose virginity
☑ Have a pet kitten/cat
☑ Experience snow
☑ See the northern lights
❒ Ride a horse
❒ Sit cozily by a fireplace
❒ Build a snowman
❒ Dip a chocolate fondue fountain
❒ Release an album
❒ Be a farmer for a day
❒ See the HOLLYWOOD sign
❒ Join the circus
❒ Go skinny dipping
❒ Taste orkney ice cream