Jʋsʈ ɑ Ɓoƴ

Thursday, 23 April 2015

"...futile attempt..."

Recently, I sabotaged my relationship with three different guys. I'm not heartbroken nor am I torn apart inside because I never did invest any REAL emotions into these guys that I've "dated".

I guess (on some level, sub-consciously) I knew that it was never going to work out with either of them, so alas, I behaved in a manner which would cause a rift between me and them to end whatever attraction they once had towards me.

The first guy...

...was shallow.

Every now and then, I would hear rumors of him hopping around virtual chat rooms, inviting random people he had just met to private chat and get up to all sorts of mischief. Then he would tell me how much he loves me when I tried confronting him about it. Either that, or he would turn the tables around and try to pin the blame on me.

We spoke on Skype once, and I had hoped to fall asleep on a one-on-one call with him, but he would whine and go on and on about how he couldn't sleep with the laptop light beaming towards him in bed. I don't mind him being unable to sleep with the presence of light, but his whine is the most God-awful, annoying sound I've ever heard. It makes me want to choke his neck and suffocate him with a pillow to silence the horrendous noise emitting from his mouth.

Aside from those already-considered-a-relationship-deal-breaker qualities, he cannot hold or carry a conversation. His vocabulary doesn't extend any further than mere "I love you" or "Do you miss me?" I know - for a fact - that he is infatuated with how I look, because as soon as I sent him a picture of another person and told him I was from Nigeria, he immediately backed off.

The next guy...

...behaved like a tool

When we first went out, he was hung up on me, and wanted me to quit the virtual chat room where I'd met him. He didn't want other guys after my twink ass, which I can understand and/or relate to. So I left the virtual chat room for a bit to accommodate his needs[?] wants[?] demands[?].

For the first week or two, he would wait impatiently for me to wake up so I could get on Skype call with him. I did as told because I genuinely wanted to give this relationship an honest chance. After the second week... splat. He grew distant and it felt like he got bored with me. He didn't want to talk as much as before and like the first guy, couldn't carry a conversation.

Needless to say, I wised up and declared that this relationship was headed for the dump.

A lot of other factors that occurred throughout our relationship contributed to my judgement, my judgement that this relationship was going downhill... fast!

I had let my friend log onto the virtual chat room with my account, and my friend changed (among other things) my relationship status to "Single". He (my "boyfriend") came on and found out that I had reverted my status back to "Single" and without question, did the same on his.

There's a certain spiteful element to the way he handle/does things, one that I'm not a big fan of. If he had truly loved me, he would have approached me before he did anything. He may have loved me once, but it probably faded over the course of... a month[?] a month and a half[?]

Shrugs

who's even counting?

The last guy...

...was possessive

We met. We fell in love. He didn't like me chat-cheating (an act where you're in multiple chat rooms at once, including one with him). He wanted my attention all to himself. I gave him what he wanted and he kept bombarding me questions like, "wyd" (What're you doing?) or "What do you wanna do?".

Imagine having someone ask what you are doing LITERALLY every five minutes, or wanting all your attention and when I finally give him my fullest attention, he goes and make me come up with something to do or talk about.

To make matters worse, I suggested an activity once, and he said, "Ugh, I don't wanna do that right now." So then I asked him what he wanted to do instead, and he shrugged and went silent. Five minutes later... (yup, you guessed it) "wyd?"

He wanted to isolate me from socializing with people, and have me all to himself but even when I gave him that, he couldn't come up with something for us to do together. I gave it a week before I told him things weren't working out and ended the sorry relationship.

I do not need Chad, the alter ego who helps me get over a heartbreak because there is none. There is no wound to heal. I never gave myself to any of them like I did with Alex and Steven. It would have just been a futile attempt anyhow.

ツ | 3:12 am

'ℬℴʋʈ ℳℯ

My name is Zachary (

)
Born on Christmas of '92 (

)

Gay (

) Separated (

)

I ❤ my best friends
«Jen Ross» and «Bekah»

ℳℴℴɖ

Ꮚɾ¡ʈʈℯɳ Ʈℎℴʋℊℎʈʂ

ℬʋʗҚℯʈ ℒ¡ʂʈ

☑ Find a best friend
☑ Learn to play the piano
☑ Be in a relationship
☑ See New York skyline
☑ Become a Game Sage
☑ Be part of a fraternity
☑ Play on a grand piano
☑ Lose virginity
☑ Have a pet kitten/cat
☑ Experience snow
☑ See the northern lights
❒ Ride a horse
❒ Sit cozily by a fireplace
❒ Build a snowman
❒ Dip a chocolate fondue fountain
❒ Release an album
❒ Be a farmer for a day
❒ See the HOLLYWOOD sign
❒ Join the circus
❒ Go skinny dipping
❒ Taste orkney ice cream