Jʋsʈ ɑ Ɓoƴ

Friday, 30 October 2015

"It's bittersweet..."

The more I allow myself to "feel", the more the memories haunt me.

Because it only happened recently, the wounds are still somewhat fresh. This was, after all, my first time entering a committed relationship with someone, so no matter how hard I try to function "normally" again, some parts of me still can't quite fathom the acerbity of walking away.

I need to learn how to... breathe again.

It's bittersweet... is what I'm saying.

Over the past few days, I've been mentally adjusting to the likelihood of going back home. Not only do I get to see my family again, I also get to start over when I come back here. Knowing that I'll always have a place to call home - here in Oregon with David - gives me some form of reassurance. Let's just call it a silver lining.

I plan to work hand in hand with a lawyer/an attorney (that is attributed to the federal government) to deal with all things concerning my immigration. I'm really lucky to have met someone like David in this lifetime. Lord knows where I'll be had it not been for him. He's my benefactor, and someday I'll repay the favor (...or pay it forward because kindness and charity works like that).

Having witnessed the ugliness in people left me with a kind of "blink-thrice disbelief" aftertaste that lingers. And although I'll relish the opportunity to someday reminisce over this ordeal, common sense had to come into play, which is why I decided to end the progressively-habitual dolor.

Is it sad and pathetic of me to just want... love?

Not money.

Not popularity.

Not even acceptance.

Just someone to grow old and share this cryptic life with...

#WoeIsMe

I write solely to expunge the joy, anger and melancholy that I bottle deep down inside. Words help me cope with the perplexity of life. It's my metaphorical form of a punching bag, considering how passive a person I am.

Don't misunderstand though.. I behave differently in real life because no one likes a "know it all". I'm psychologically aware of what is being said/done, but I also know how to detach myself enough from all these "cognizance" to fit into society.

Basically, what is written here should not reflect nor should it be a representation on how I portray myself in real life. I'm still a timid, submissive 22-year old who lacks the courage to speak up when taken advantage of. And I especially hate confrontation, so I usually wait till I have some personal space to transcribe how I feel onto here.

This blog is a... coping mechanism.

ツ | 1:05 am

'ℬℴʋʈ ℳℯ

My name is Zachary (

)
Born on Christmas of '92 (

)

Gay (

) Separated (

)

I ❤ my best friends
«Jen Ross» and «Bekah»

ℳℴℴɖ

Ꮚɾ¡ʈʈℯɳ Ʈℎℴʋℊℎʈʂ

ℬʋʗҚℯʈ ℒ¡ʂʈ

☑ Find a best friend
☑ Learn to play the piano
☑ Be in a relationship
☑ See New York skyline
☑ Become a Game Sage
☑ Be part of a fraternity
☑ Play on a grand piano
☑ Lose virginity
☑ Have a pet kitten/cat
☑ Experience snow
☑ See the northern lights
❒ Ride a horse
❒ Sit cozily by a fireplace
❒ Build a snowman
❒ Dip a chocolate fondue fountain
❒ Release an album
❒ Be a farmer for a day
❒ See the HOLLYWOOD sign
❒ Join the circus
❒ Go skinny dipping
❒ Taste orkney ice cream